Wisdom Rising

Setting Better Boundaries for Self-Love and Personal Growth

• Christine Renee, Isabel Wells, and Shantel Ochoa • Season 2 • Episode 11

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Have you ever wondered if saying "no" could actually be an act of self-love? Join us as we explore how defining your limits not only protects your energy but also fuels personal growth. This episode promises to empower you with practical tips and a compassionate approach to maintaining balance in relationships and reclaiming your self-worth.

Christine and Isabel guide us in understanding how compromising on core values often leads to energy depletion and emotional burnout. We examine the reasons why boundaries falter and learn how aligning our values with our interactions can foster healthier relationships. 

We also cover: 

• Understanding the significance of personal boundaries 
• The relationship between self-worth and boundary-setting 
• Exploring core values as a framework for boundaries 
• Strategies for communicating boundaries clearly 
• The importance of self-love in establishing strong boundaries 
• The solar plexus chakra and self-awareness
• Maintaining sustainable energy flow and emotional resilience
• BDSM and tantra as examples of healthy boundaries
• Practical steps for implementing boundaries in daily life 
• Encouragement for listeners to take their first step towards empowerment

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Speaker 1:

It's time to remember your divine purpose and limitless potential. Welcome to Wisdom Rising, the official podcast of Moon Rising Shamanic Institute. Join shamanic Reiki practitioners Christine Rene, isabel Wells and Chantel Ochoa as we guide you on a journey of radical self-discovery and spiritual guidance. Each week, we'll dance through the realms of shamanism, mysticism, energy, healing and personal development to illuminate your path to true healing and self-sourced wisdom Through weekly inspired conversations and interviews with leading spiritual and shamanic practitioners. We are here to help you acknowledge, reconcile and balance your energy so that you can awaken to the whispers of wisdom rising from within. Hello, hello and welcome back to another amazing episode of the Wisdom Rising podcast. I am your co-host for today. Isabel Wells and I am joined in this conversation with Christine Renee, our Moon Rising visionary, and we're diving into the hows, whens and whys of spiritual boundaries. So if you're struggling to find the right balance with setting boundaries in your life, swinging from people, pleasing and always saying yes to feeling burnt out and wanting to cut everyone and everything out of your life, this conversation is for you. This episode is packed full of tips and information and was specifically requested by our soul rising shamanic Reiki students. So if you have a topic that you'd love to see here on the podcast. We would love to hear about it, so feel free to leave us a comment on this episode, reach out to us on Facebook or send us an email at mystics at moonrisinginstitutecom with your suggestion for a future podcast topic, and we'll be sure to incorporate it in our episode list. In the meantime, we would love for you to join us over in the Shamanic Mystics Facebook group, where we have a community of over 4,000 amazing individuals who are walking the shamanic path, asking spiritual questions and now learning how to set boundaries, just like you listening to this. So feel free to join us that link is in the show notes and, of course, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast so that you can get access to new episodes sooner and share the show with your friends, family, colleagues, coworkers and whoever else might be interested in hearing the kind of content that we bring forward for shamanic and spiritual seekers. Also, be sure to keep an eye out on your newsletters for the next couple of weeks.

Speaker 1:

We have some amazing masterclasses and special offerings coming up in the next few weeks. In fact, if you are listening to this, in February 2025, christine is so excited to be offering a new special 21 Days of Self-Love special. For 21 days, you can engage with her to hold you accountable and help you create your personalized self-love plan. This plan will include three 90-minute coaching sessions with Christine so one a week to help you pull in shamanic techniques, coaching techniques, personal development tools, self-care rituals and practices and more. To hold you accountable to 21 days of self-love so that you can break through the limiting beliefs that are holding you back from feeling like you are worthy, so that you can shine light on the shadows that you've been afraid to look at and that you can really believe and know and step into your self-love. So if you've been called to experience more self-love, be sure to check out the link in the show notes or reach out to Christine directly via email at christine at moonrisinginstitutecom, or on Facebook at Christine Renee. Both of those links will be in the show notes if you're interested. And, like I said, be sure to keep an eye on our Facebook, instagram and newsletter for the next few weeks, as we have more amazing offerings coming, just like this one. Until then, let's go to the show, absolutely so.

Speaker 1:

Today we're diving into boundaries, and what I love about today's conversation is we were actually we had a soul rising class. Our last closing ceremony for our final cohort was next week, or it was last week, and then this week we have a new cohort starting, but one of our students in our closing ceremony was asking you know well, how do you, how do you set really good boundaries? Like, we've learned who we are, we figured out our identity, we figured out our values, we know when to set boundaries, but how do you actually do it? Like, how do you stick to your boundaries, how do you really stay connected to them and how do you do it in a really compassionate way? And so it was perfect, because we were looking for a topic to talk about on today's conversation and for today's podcast, and this was the one, and it was so perfect. And so I'm really excited to dive into talking about boundaries.

Speaker 1:

And, with that said, if you have a suggestion, if you have something that you would love to hear us talk about in these conversations, please let us know. We are always shaping what we talk about around what the community needs most, and so, if you have an idea, if you have a question that you've been thinking about or a topic that's really been hitting home for you lately. We would love to hear about it so that we can bring it to our Whispers of Wisdom and to our Wisdom Rising podcast. So feel free to drop those in the chat, to send them to us in a message, to reply to one of our emails any of the things and we would love to include your topic in our conversations. Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely.

Speaker 2:

Well, welcome, welcome. I am so ready for this conversation. I'm looking forward to this conversation because I feel like my life lessons have been all about boundaries lately and I want to get into all of the different spaces because we definitely have had numerous students want to have this conversation, so this has been requested from our students to have this conversation on boundaries and how do we really do it. And so oftentimes boundaries come up as a solar plexus topic of really understanding what you're available for and what you're not, and really getting clear on your no and remembering that no is a complete sentence. So just recognizing where this is located.

Speaker 2:

For our chakra system, boundaries are very much in the solar plexus what I'm, who am I, who I am not, and what am I available for and what am I not. And that really is that, that first step of understanding. How am I really, what am I really available for and where's the container in which I want to exist, what's outside of the container is the boundary Like I'm not going there and what is inside the container, what is what you're comfortable with? And so it's understanding where your edge is. What is what you're comfortable with, and so it's understanding where your edge is and if you're trying to move that edge and get outside your comfort zone and where where is like an absolute no right.

Speaker 2:

And so this is a very interesting conversation of where you're at and being able to do this work always comes down to where's your self-esteem and where's your self-love practice coming from, because if you are a people pleaser, it's so much easier to have wishy-washy boundaries because you just want to make sure the other person is satisfied or content or happy, and when we start setting boundaries, we're going to make some people upset. If this is not what they want and you're sending a firm line, it's going to cause them to be upset with you possibly, and so it's understanding why we have that rebound. Where are those relationships needing to have those boundaries and really being clear of what you're available for and what you're not?

Speaker 1:

And what I love about this conversation is, like you said, it really does come back to your self-esteem, and one of the ways that I love phrasing this with our students is boundaries are all about what do you value, right? So there's two ways that we can think about our values. There's just in general what do you value in life, right? We do this exercise with our students where I have them sit and for five minutes you write out everything that you can possibly think of that you value right Adventure, love, family, honesty, authenticity, integrity, connection, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And then, one by one, you take one away. And you take one away and you think about, if I had to drop one of these values, which one would I drop? And what this does is it really makes you look at this list of what you value and decide where are, where's their overlap, right? So love, kindness, compassion, connection might all overlap and you decide that you know what connection is actually the highest value in that genre. And it really makes you sit and question if I had to get down to five, if I had to take one away and one away and one away until I just had five. It really makes you sit and think about what do I value? Not what does society say I should value, not what was I trained to value, but what do I really value in life. And then you can take these values and look at everything happening in your life, your relationships, your job, your finances, all of the different areas of life, and really look at does this align with those values that I just set? So with these five values in mind right, let's say it's family, compassion, adventure, security and love or something like that right, you can look at your job and say when I'm working this job, do I feel connected? Do I feel loved? Do I feel a sense of adventure, but also security, knowing that I'm safe? And if the answer is no, then of course you're going to feel uncomfortable in that job. Of course that job's not going to feel fulfilling. And the same thing for relationships. If you don't find your values in that relationship, it makes sense that that would be uncomfortable or feel like it's pulling too much from you. And when we can look at it this way, it gives us a framework for understanding exactly what we're feeling in our life and why. Because if there is something in our life that feels uncomfortable, that feels like there's tension, that feels like we're giving too much of ourselves or not receiving enough. It's because somewhere along the line it stopped aligning with our values. And that's one side of the values conversation. The other side is understanding that when you know your values and you value yourself, that's where boundaries start to come in, because we can know what we value all day long. Right, if we know that we value adventure and authenticity and connection and love, we can know that all day long. And connection and love, we can know that all day long. But until we actually value ourselves as well, we're not going to be willing to take the step to live in alignment with those values.

Speaker 1:

And what I mean by that is, let's say that you do have that job. Right, that feels really unfulfilling. Maybe you work a nine to five office job and you don't find any adventure or security or connection from that job, but you're doing it anyway. You're showing up for the nine to five because maybe it's because it's what you're supposed to do, maybe it's because it's what's going to pay the bills. Whatever it is, your mind has a reason, it has a story that it is telling about why you need to have this job that's not in alignment with your values. And so, essentially, what you're doing is you're choosing to value what that job gives you, whether it's the money, whether it's the external validation, whether it's the appearance of being successful. Whatever it is, whatever that job gives you, you are valuing that more than you're valuing yourself.

Speaker 1:

Anytime we sacrifice our values, our top five that we talked about, in any way, it means that we are valuing something, that this situation, this relationship, this career, something is giving us more than we actually value ourselves. And the reason that this is so important and why it's so important to really think about it this way is because this is really what I like to call our cost of entry, and what I mean by that is we all have kind of a gate where people get access to our resources, our energy, our time, all of these things, and if we have really low self-worth, if we don't value ourselves at all, that gate is wide open to anybody and everybody, because we're trying, trying, trying to get validation from other people. But when we value ourselves, we're a lot more selective with where that gate opens, how much you have to pay, essentially, how much that energy exchange has to be in order to get in, and when we know our top five values, the cost of entry is does this align with what I value in life? If it doesn't, then that gate stays closed and that's it. But in order to be able to have that control over what are you letting into your life, what are you letting into your energy, you have to believe that you deserve to have that kind of control in the first place.

Speaker 1:

And I think this is where a lot of people really miss the boat when it comes to boundaries, because this is hard, right, it's not like standing up for yourself is easy, it's not like setting boundaries is easy. But I think where a lot of people stumble is, you know, they might know their top five values, they might know that they don't want to work this job anymore, they might know that this relationship isn't what they want, but they don't know how to value themselves. And so suddenly they're just pulling, pulling, pulling all of that energy in and sending all their energy out until they have nothing left to give and they break right. And that's where we see this push, pull of constantly having to say yes and people pleasing because your gate is wide open and then suddenly you realize there's nothing of you left until you break. And then you burn everything down and you push everybody away and you throw that kind of hissy fit with all of your boundaries because you realize, oh my God, I didn't stick to these in the first place. And then you feel guilty, you feel ashamed, you feel whatever it is and it creates this cycle is that, if we're looking at this from that spectrum of how much are you valuing yourself?

Speaker 1:

That moment when you pop, when you quote unquote, finally set your boundary right, is actually feeding into more of that lack of self-worth, because what has happened is that you haven't stuck with your boundaries, you haven't stood up for yourself, and then you're feeling like you failed, like you should have done better, like you should have known better, like these people are taking advantage of you, like you're not safe if you keep continuing in this situation, and so you shut down. And so what might look like a boundary from the outside is actually just another affirmation of the fact that you're not worth having a healthy energy flow, you're not worth having these conversations, you're not worth having balance. It's either all or nothing. And I find that really interesting, because when we start to look at boundaries as a are you valuing yourself and how much do you value yourself and why?

Speaker 1:

The way that we set boundaries radically shifts. Because, rather than saying, either I'm giving all of myself to my job because I have no self-value and I need that validation to, I'm quitting, I'm never, I'm never doing this again, or in a relationship, right, I'm giving all of myself to my relationship, and then, oh my gosh, they got too close. I need, I need them to go away. I'm shutting it all down.

Speaker 1:

It's where in this did I lose myself? Where in this did I stop valuing myself? Where in this did this relationship or situation stop aligning with my values and what can I do to bring it back into alignment? And it becomes a conversation. It becomes this kind of game of checks and balances of does this just need a slight readjustment to come back into alignment, or is this truly something where I can consciously choose to let it go because it doesn't align with my values? But it's no longer a reaction. Setting boundaries should never be a reaction. It should always be a response, a conscious response of I know what I value and I know that I value myself, and I don't want to value the validation or the money or the success or whatever it is, more than I value myself, and so I'm going to make a different decision.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and so it really is coming back to knowing who you are, knowing what your values are and knowing what you're available for. And I think so much we forget our self-love, like that's not a priority we have, or we maybe we've never known how much that part of our self, our true identity, that we need to love Right. And so it's really easy to not set boundaries when you have that lack of self-esteem, when you have that lack of self-love. And so it comes all the way back to this place of what's your core limiting belief. If you don't find, if you don't believe that you're lovable, if you don't believe that you're inherently worthy of good things in your life, if you don't believe that you are, that you are divine and whole, all alone, then you're seeking out someone else or something else to fill in your gaps, your holes and your self-esteem, rather than filling your own cup first. And so we always need to come back to this basis point of where are you in your self-love journey? Where are you in your self-love journey? Are you able to say I'm worthy of all of the time, love and attention for me, and are we giving to ourselves first? Because when we forget to do that part. It is so easy and I'm guilty of this myself of trying to seek that validation, acceptance from others, right? And so when you have that yearning to be loved and appreciated and seen and heard from somebody else, some other, that's when your boundaries go down and now you're seeking out some type of exchange instead of going to yourself first of going. This is who I am, this is the love that I love myself and this is the love I require, the, the, the behavior that I require from others, so that I know that I'm loved and respected. This is like that value is there, of self-respect, self-love, because you can't attract in relationships more than you're giving yourself. Like you will attract to the level in which you are already healed. So that if you are only attracting to the level in which you're already healed, you will bring people into your life that will mirror what you need healing for, right? So this is about taking radical self-responsibility of going. If you are attracting relationships that don't feel good, there's something within you that still needs healing because it's reflected and mirroring in them, right? So, like recognizing that that's the way we learn lessons, how we heal, how we grow is by having these relationships that will mirror back to us what we're lacking is by having these relationships that will mirror back to us what we're lacking, right, and if you're in a really self like healed state, you're going to attract the level in which you're healed and so then you can have really beautiful, loving, accepting, healthy relationships and so recognizing that that then we can start moving into where I love myself so much.

Speaker 2:

Here's my boundary, before stuff starts to happen Right, like.

Speaker 2:

I think this is where, um, like, if you want to really have a great example of this, go to the BSDM community, go to the tantric community, cause they're all about having very clear communication up front, before things start happening in romantic relationships, of where their boundaries are.

Speaker 2:

And so I find, like, in the tantric space they have these really beautiful sacred communication ceremonies and I'm definitely lean that direction because I love the spirituality and and these and these and these groups, because they're going to ask what's your desire, what's your fears and what are your boundaries, and if you can communicate that upfront one, that's a huge piece of work just to do that.

Speaker 2:

This is what I desire, this is what I fear and this is what I what, where my, where my boundaries are, and knowing that at any point along the way, your no is going to be heard and valued and things are going to stop. And so I I appreciate their, the containers that these communities build, because it is so explicit and it's really rare and not often in common society to be like I would like to know your boundaries upfront as we start this relationship or whatever it may be right, like we don't have a lot of sacred containers or non-sacred containers that just want to talk about where, what are you available for and what are you not, and how do we come to a point of these having these conversations so they're not reactions afterwards, and I think that's where it gets tricky If we're just going wow, that thing happened and I didn't like it and I don't want that to happen again and now I'm going to set.

Speaker 1:

What it really highlights is absolutely yes, boundaries exist in the solar plexus, right? Because until we know who we are and who we aren't, right, until we know who are we setting boundaries for? I tell my students this all the time you can't set boundaries for someone that you don't know. You can't make decisions or make choices for somebody that you don't know. And so how much do you actually know yourself? How much do you actually know what you want, what you don't want, what you identify as what you don't, what you value and what you don't? How can you set boundaries if you don't know, again, what your cost of entry is? Right? All of these questions. And so it absolutely exists in the solar plexus, which is our center of self-knowing. And the actual process of setting boundaries and sticking to boundaries requires all of your chakras, every single one, because in root chakra right, let's start from the beginning. When you set a boundary, you need to know, you need to feel safe in setting that boundary. You need to know that, whether it is that it's respected from the other person or from the other entity, or whatever it is that you're setting the boundary with, or it's just in yourself, you need to know that when you set that boundary, you'll be secure, you'll be safe. If you don't feel safe, you're not going to stick to that boundary. You're going to then go and try and find a different situation to fill in what feels like a hole right. And so this is where having self-security, knowing that you are safe, knowing that, whatever it is, your body is safe, your energy is safe, your house is safe, whatever it is do you feel safe in yourself? And I think this is such an important question to ask when it comes to boundaries, because so often we think that safety comes from outside of ourselves and it absolutely is a factor. Right, there are things in the outside world that are unsafe, that can happen to us physically, but the feeling of safety, that confidence that we are safe and secure, especially in our energy and in our emotions, comes from inside of ourselves.

Speaker 1:

And until we can find that sense of security in ourselves, knowing that I can trust myself, knowing that I have the resources that I need to be okay, that I can rest in my physical body and be safe, whatever it is right and this is where it goes back to that core limiting belief or to our childhood experiences of where were you taught that you weren't safe. Because a lot of the time we are taught that we ourselves, our person, isn't safe, that we aren't safe. And until we feel safe in ourselves, until we feel safe to just be present with who we are, we're not going to feel present to set boundaries and we're not going to feel safe to set boundaries. So that feeling going to feel safe to set boundaries, so that feeling of safety starts in the root and then when we go up to sacral this is where we find our passion and our sensuality and our creativity right we need to be able to have that flow, to understand that, just like trees bend in the wind, right, they don't break. We need to understand that, as much as we want boundaries to be a ride or die, yes or no, all or nothing kind of thing, more often than not they have a little bit of that flow to it.

Speaker 1:

Because, again, this is where we can recognize that if we're setting boundaries in a way that feels like it's all or nothing, again, that push, pull right Of people pleasing to burning it all down, it's ultimately coming from that feeling of lack of safety in the root chakra. So if our root chakra is not super solid. Our sense of flow, our sense of being able to trust life isn't going to be there and our sacral chakra is going to be turned off. That doesn't mean that there aren't going to be times where we have to set a boundary of I'm not going to talk to this person again or I am quitting this job, or firm boundaries are a thing, but we want to make sure that in sacral chakra we're bringing in that trust and that surrender and that ability to look at life and go with the flow a little bit, to have some of that creativity. And how are we going to set these boundaries to know that we can have that joy, that passion, that pleasure in living our lives and that we're worth that right which brings us into solar plexus, which again is where it all comes down to of? Are you worthy to set those boundaries? Do you know who you are? Do you know what you value so that you can set those boundaries?

Speaker 1:

Because a lot of times what happens is we don't take the time to sit down and really investigate ourselves, to get to know ourselves the way that we would a best friend. We have this preconception that we know who we are because we've lived as us for our entire life. Right, but so often we say something or we have an emotion or we do something and we're like I have no idea where that came from, because we haven't actually taken the time to get to know ourselves. We've just taken for granted the fact that we know our mind, we know our personality, we know our soul. But when you can bring this back to the spiritual perspective and understand that you aren't your mind and you also aren't entirely your soul, when you are in this lifetime, you are blessed with this third person perspective, awareness of both In this embodied form, you get to be the awareness of your mind and the awareness of your soul and because of that you get to learn about yourself. You get to know yourself and investigate.

Speaker 1:

Why did my mind think that?

Speaker 1:

Where did that belief come from? What life experience led to that emotion? What vision does my soul have for my life that it's calling me in this direction? Have you taken the time in solar plexus to get to know yourself, so that you can bring that knowing up to heart and then decide okay, how can I do all of this? How can I bring that sense of safety, that sense of self-worth, that sense of trust into my heart and bring that into my connections with the world and with other people in a loving, balanced, compassionate way. Those three things love, balance, compassion those are all heart chakra and so are our connections with everything.

Speaker 1:

And then you get to bring it up one step higher and decide okay, I know how I can do this with compassion, I know that I'm worthy to do this, I know that I can trust the flow of how this happens and I know that in that flow I'm going to be safe to do it. But how, in my throat chakra, can I then speak that into reality? How can I use my words? How can I really bring this thought, this energy, into physical, 3d reality with my words? How can I communicate my truth, communicate what I need, communicate my boundaries? And if your throat chakra is not balanced, this isn't going to go well right? This is again where our entire chakra system comes on board, of how are you going to communicate, how are you going to speak your truth and where can you practice that? In a place that you know your truth will be respected, you know your words will be respected, so that when the time comes to actually speak up in that situation that's making you uncomfortable, you'll have the confidence to know that you can do it.

Speaker 1:

And in the third eye, then we see this big picture perspective of we know on a human level right, we know on a personal level, why you want to set this boundary because you value yourself, because the situation isn't in alignment with your top five values, because it's taking up too much of your energy. Whatever it is, you have your reason. But in third eye, we can really start to connect to and what's the grander vision for this? Why is this important in the grand scheme of things? Why is my soul telling me hey, you're uncomfortable for a reason. Let's make a change. Because because then you get to be in alignment with who you were truly meant to be. Because then you get to be in alignment with your highest self, you get to be in alignment with the divine. Your energy is going to be flowing because you freed up.

Speaker 1:

By setting that boundary, it's like you've put a stent into your energetic channels and now the energy can flow again. You've opened up your energy so that things can flow and you can play the part that you were meant to play in this lifetime, which brings us back up to crown of. Once you've set that boundary, once you've committed to I know I'm worthy, I know I'm connected, I know I'm aligned, I know I can do this, you can then remember your connection to the divine, the fact that you are divine, you are sovereign, you are all that is. And by setting that boundary, by stepping into your worth and stepping into your true self, you are realigning not just your energy but the energy of the cosmos, because you have stopped taking yourself for granted. You've stopped taking this energy, this consciousness, this spirit, this soul that you carry in you for granted and you've given it the space to start expanding.

Speaker 1:

And when we can recognize that, when we can recognize that, setting those healthy boundaries right Not the I'm going to burn it all down boundaries, not the imbalanced boundaries, but the true this doesn't align with me, this doesn't value me, and so I'm going to choose to value myself, I'm going to choose to live in alignment with that value, you are essentially committing once again to the divine, committing to that energy that is within me is worthy, and I want to hold space for it and I want to give it the space to expand, because until we start valuing ourselves, we're just going to continue to contract and shrink that energy.

Speaker 1:

But when we stand up for ourselves, when we value ourselves because we are divine, because we are sovereign, when we stand up for ourselves, we stand up for the divine, we stand up for the universe, we create that space for that energy to flow. And suddenly you have this whole system where a boundary isn't just a yes or no, it is literally your commitment to being the highest, grandest version of you. Because you are the divine, you are the universe and the universe is you.

Speaker 2:

And I love this idea of crown, chakra and boundaries because it really comes down to like really putting a stake in it, putting a command in it, like I love me more than this situation and having this availability to know that the divine, the source, the divine intelligence is going to set up your life to allow you to see your worth. And so you might be put in situations where you feel unworthy, so that you can wake up to what the divine sees, which is that of course you're worthy, of course you're holy, of course you're whole. And it is your choice to say I am no longer available to have these types of experiences in my life. And so where are we actually staking a claim of going? I am worthy, I only am available for X, y and Z, and it really has to come from this passionate place of this is what I want, this is what I know I deserve. And then we are. If we can't say I radically love myself, then the divine is going to do its work to put you in positions to learn that lesson and, once you're there, of saying I love me more than the stress that this causes, I love me more than the somatic nervous system stress that my body experiences. I love me more than having to have this argument again and again and again. I love me more. Therefore, I'm no longer available for X, y and Z and so then we start removing things away. But it's. We have spiritual boundaries, emotional boundaries and physical boundaries and we need to really start looking at how are we implementing boundaries on all levels right, so we can have this in the spiritual level? I am no longer available for. I love me more. I'm I'm willing to do the work, I'm willing to look at the lessons, I'm willing to step back and self-reflect and journal and all of the things.

Speaker 2:

And where are we eliciting help from the divine? Okay, here's my energetic, spiritual boundaries I need help with. So maybe this is where the energetic cord coming cuts come in. This is where we ask for Shiva or Archangel Michael or Sekhmet or whatever deity that you resonate with. That is really has the destroyer energy that I'm cutting those ties off, because it all comes down to your attachment. If you're really ready to let go of energetic attachments, those are energetic cords and so when we can say I release and forgive you and really let that go, we're doing one level of boundary work. So this is the spiritual boundary work, and so, when we can get to the spiritual boundary work, know that the implementation of those typically takes 21 days to integrate fully into the physical form.

Speaker 2:

So, while we're doing the spiritual work of these are my boundaries, this is what I'm available for and this is what I'm not available for. This is where I'm doing my energetic cord clearing. This is where I am doing my chakra spinning. This is where I'm doing my lumin spinning. This is where I'm doing my luminous energy field to really make sure my energy field is clean. This is where I'm doing my self-love work so that I can create an energetic field that's clean, that's contented, that's aware, so that when we step into our everyday life, we can feel our emotions come up, we can walk through life and go.

Speaker 2:

Oh, and there's that emotion that makes me feel constricted. That's that emotion that makes me feel small. That's the emotion that I have been not okay with, because it makes me feel angry, it makes me feel sad, it makes me feel whatever and going I. This is. This is happening, because something inside of me says this situation isn't in alignment. And so then we start creating the emotional boundaries within ourselves, going I'm not available to feel this way anymore. I deserve better, I am worthy of better, I am worthy of more. And so we have those emotional pushes in to go I'm not doing this, I'm not doing this anymore. Pushes in to go I'm not, I'm not doing this, I'm not, I'm not doing this anymore. And that's where we come into the physicality of how are we going to be able to voice it. Are we? What are we doing in our life to really put in place physical boundaries?

Speaker 2:

Oftentimes in this day and age, that is comes from. Are we one? First off, are we communicating clearly? First off, are we communicating clearly? Watch out, that kind of was a hard to like, spit out right Like, are we communicating very easily and clearly to other people that I'm not available to do X, y and Z, saying I feel uncomfortable when this happens and I request that this happens instead, like, getting really clear on I feel blank when you blank and request that blank.

Speaker 2:

Those are really good communication skills to have to get your point across clearly. And when you start anything with I feel the other person can't argue with your feelings, they're yours. And so when you say I feel blank when this happens and I request that you're setting a boundary, you're setting a request, you're setting some type of container of what you would be willing to work with, right? So we have that level of communication and if it keeps getting disrespected, it is absolutely okay to come back. Well, I had set a boundary. You cross that boundary, and so this is my new boundary. And that I had set a boundary. You cross that boundary, and so this is my new boundary, and that new boundary is stricter. So the stricter boundary might be I'm cutting you off from communication. I need this much time of no contact. It could be I'm blocking you on my Facebook page, whatever it is to say like, look, you crossed the boundary that I had clearly set and I'm not available for this type of interaction.

Speaker 2:

And so you have to feel into where. Where are those boundaries coming in? How strict do they need to be to reflect your self-love, your self-care, your identity of who you are? And so, if this is in relationship with someone who you don't need to have any attachment with, it's your life. It's your life. And so you can start putting those very clear, strong boundaries in place, because you don't need to necessarily have contact with them anymore. This is this can be different, with parents or you know, siblings or friendships where you want to continue to try to work on the relationship and know that you can still have boundaries. We talked a lot about this during the holiday seasons on our podcast, like how do we have these types of connections, even though they can be hard and so you know, this is where we really need to feel into by putting myself in these situations. Am I loving myself and is this relationship worth it?

Speaker 1:

And you know, what I love about this is that idea of, once again, where is your self love sitting, where's your self worth sitting, and it's an invitation to to let go of the expectations of how you think this should go, because a lot of times what holds us back from setting the boundaries that we want to set is feeling like what we want to do is wrong, isn't acceptable, isn't the norm, isn't what society tells us should happen, that this relationship should look differently, that we should be able to fix it, that we should, should, should, should, should, whatever it is that story that our mind is telling. But when we can really sit down and ask ourselves, if there were no expectations on me, if I had no idea what the outside world expected from this situation, right, or what society tells me typically would happen, et cetera, if I were writing this story, what would I do? Would I continue to put up with this? Would I set a partial boundary? Would I set a full boundary? Would I try and work on it? Would I cut it off? What would I do if I were writing this story? And I think that's such a powerful question because it reminds us that every choice we make, every word we say, every action we do is our choice.

Speaker 1:

One of the things that I was writing our email for today and one of the things that I was writing our email for today, and one of the things that I write about in that email, is how even our beliefs are a choice. What we believe about ourselves and the world is a choice. It's something that we've chosen again and again and again and now feels like a truth and feels like a reality. But we get to choose what we believe. We get to choose what we say. We get to choose what we say. We get to choose what we do. And when we ask ourselves that questions of what if I were writing this story, what would happen next If there were no expectations? What would I do?

Speaker 1:

Suddenly, that boundary is going to become a lot clearer, because you're not trying to make everyone else happy, and this is really, I think, where the people pleasers start to trip up a little bit is because this is the point where you realize you cannot set boundaries for anybody else. You can't If you set a boundary, thinking what's going to keep everybody else happy, even if you're thinking okay, this is what I want to do. I'm doing this because I love myself, et cetera, et cetera. But in the back of your head you're going and how can I make this palatable? And how can I do this in a way that everybody stays happy? That boundary isn't yours anymore. You've given away a little bit of your power. You've stepped out of self-worth and into people-pleasing, into.

Speaker 1:

My worth comes from other people, and we have to realize that when we're talking about true, balanced, compassionate, harmonized boundaries, what we're talking about is letting go of the belief that your worth comes from anywhere else except inside you. And that is, I think, the hardest thing for our minds to wrap around, because we are trained from day one that our worth comes from the outside, that our worth comes from what other people think of us, or how much we do, or what our output is, or whatever it is. We're not trained to think that we can come inside ourselves. Right, that goes back to what we were talking about earlier. Do you feel safe in yourself? We're trained to not feel safe. We're trained to not have inherent self-worth.

Speaker 1:

And so when we go to set our boundaries, we do so thinking how can I keep everybody else happy, how can I keep everybody else safe? But that true boundary, that one that's going to feel amazing and feel right and feel aligned with you, is the one that you set for yourself. Because, when we can wrap our minds around this understanding that, yes, we are all connected, we are all one, we are all in this together, but I am the only one that I can make decisions for. I am the only one that can cause my own healing. I can't, I'm not responsible for anybody else's healing or anybody else's life or anybody else's decisions, because they also came into this world to be autonomous sovereign beings and because they are an autonomous sovereign being and I am an autonomous sovereign being, the only person that I can and should quote unquote set boundaries for is myself, because that is the only person that I am responsible for in this lifetime. And so, when we go to set those boundaries and we're asking ourselves, if this were my story, what would I do next? It prompts us to again, with compassion, with love, with balance, with all of our chakras on board, to set boundaries for ourself and no one else. And those are the boundaries that are going to stick, because they are the ones that you are doing from the core of your being, from your ultimate truth, and I find this a really an interesting turning point in this conversation as well, because something that's come up so many times for our students the last couple of weeks is this idea of well, how do I know it's not just my mind, right?

Speaker 1:

How do I know it's not just my ego wanting to set the boundary or my mind wanting to set the boundary. And one of the things that I've been telling them that has been so impactful is this understanding that when we feel that tension, when we feel that discomfort, we talked about it earlier in terms of it being a sign that you're not living in alignment with your values. But what it really is is that if you think of your soul, your spirit, this capital T truth of who you are, the divine within, whatever you want to call that, your soul as your truth keeper, as your value holder, right, your soul knows what's in the highest alignment for you, because it is the divine. It is the highest alignment, and so what's in alignment with your soul is in alignment with your highest interest or your highest good, or however you want to phrase that, so we can view our soul as kind of the source of our values, the source of those things that are true for us, and when we feel out of alignment with our values, when we feel that tension, when we feel that frustration, when we feel that anxiety, it's a sign that the story our mind is telling is different than the story our soul is telling. And so, bringing this back to the example from earlier, we said that if you're feeling that tension and frustration, it's because you are valuing the money, the success, the external perception, the whatever it is, more than you value yourself In this way of looking at it. It's your mind is saying that the money, the success, the whatever it is, more than you value yourself In this way of looking at it. It's your mind is saying that the money, the success, the whatever is more important than your soul, than your true self, than this essence of knowing what is meant for you. And so the amount of frustration or discomfort or tension that you feel is directly proportionate to how far the story that your mind is telling is from the story that your soul is telling, aka how much different your mind is perceiving the situation than your soul is perceiving the situation. And so, when we can do this work and we can recognize what's the story that my mind is telling.

Speaker 1:

Why is it saying that keeping this relationship going or earning this much money, or sacrificing my energy in this way, or helping other people before I help myself? Why is my mind saying that that is so important? What is it worried that it's going to lose if I don't do those things? What does it feel like it's gaining from doing those things? And when we can have that clarity of, oh, it's just looking for external validation. Or oh, I was raised to believe that if I spent time on myself, that means I'm selfish and nobody's going to like me. Or oh, I'm worried that I'm going to lose everyone in my life if I set a boundary. It's like, okay, I can understand why the mind is holding on so tightly to that belief that this is how I have to do things.

Speaker 1:

Now let's hit the pause button and check in.

Speaker 1:

What's your soul saying instead?

Speaker 1:

What's on the opposite end of that story that your soul is trying to get you to see?

Speaker 1:

Aka, where aren't you living in alignment with your values?

Speaker 1:

What values aren't you acting in accordance with right? What is your soul saying? And 90% of the time, it's saying something along the lines of you deserve more than that. This isn't in alignment with you, you already know, is the thing. You already know what your soul is saying. That's what cognitive dissonance is. And it makes me laugh because we wouldn't have that tension, we wouldn't have that story, we wouldn't have this knowing that something's wrong, if we didn't know what was right, if we didn't already have this understanding. It's just, we never give ourselves the time to stop and take a deep breath and question.

Speaker 1:

I know the story my mind is telling, it's very vocal about that.

Speaker 1:

Right, my thoughts are very active.

Speaker 1:

But what is my soul saying?

Speaker 1:

What's on the other side? What is in alignment for myself and what's stopping me from bridging that gap? What's stopping me from letting go of the mind story and hopping on board with how the soul sees things? Or what's stopping me from living in alignment with my values? What's stopping me from making the choice that's going to be in that alignment and that flow and knowing that when you find what your soul is telling you, when you make the choice that your soul wants you to make, you'll know, you'll feel it in your body. Your physiology changes, your heart rate changes, your energy changes, your thoughts change because suddenly you're back in alignment with your highest self, with the divine, with your capital T, truth. And so it's so funny to me because it really does come down to you. Know, when they're asking well, how do I know if it's not just my mind, it's like does it feel right? Not does it logic, not does it make everybody else happy, not does it appease your mind's anxieties, but in the depths of your being, does it feel right?

Speaker 2:

Then that's the one. Yeah, and so if your nervous system is completely out of whack, listen to that, listen to your body. It often knows the answer. And one of the curious things that I'm recognizing is if we look at this from a different angle, if we look at this from an archetypal point of view, from Carolyn Mrs Point of view on archetypes we all have an archetype within us. View from Carolyn Mrs Point of view on archetypes we all have an archetype within us called the prostitute.

Speaker 2:

And the prostitute is very much this internal character that says I'll give you this If you give me that. And there's this exchange. And she reaps havoc because she's constantly ready to compromise her values, her beliefs, her integrity in exchange for something else typically materialistic, or for safety or for whatever it might be. There's this exchange going on that the prostitute is ready, available for. And so when we alchemize the prostitute, when she realizes her self-worth, her divine nature and connection, then she alchemizes to the priestess, and the priestess knows her worth. She knows that she is worthy, she knows that she can sit on her throne, she knows that she can walk through life and integrity and tell people no, I'm not available for that through life and integrity and tell people, no, I'm not available for that. She's such an honoring of who she is because she knows she's divine, whereas the prostitute doesn't. And so there's this point of recognizing yourself. What are you prostituting in your life in exchange for validation, in exchange for money, in exchange for feeling valued? And are you compromising, whereas the priestess is like she's not taking anybody's shit because she knows that she is of the most high and she is living her divine life? And so, like this was a big aha moment for me is when I was I was I was doing some healing work in Costa Rica for an ayahuasca tantric retreat and having this profound experience of watching my inner internal prostitute alchemized into the priestess, and the constant message that I was hearing is that it's a lie, the prostitute, this idea of the prostitute that she is unworthy, that she is disgusting, that she is dirty in some way, it's a lie because we're all divine. But she needs to remember that it's a lie, that she's unworthy, that she's unlovable, it's a lie. It's a lie.

Speaker 2:

And when she can move from recognizing that everything that she's been told, everything that she's been taught, to make herself feel small and only available for this exchange of I'm only like my money, my values, everything comes from others. When she can recognize that's a lie, then she starts transforming into the priestess. Because the priestess knows her worth. She knows what she's available for and what she's not. She knows how to communicate clearly her values and her boundaries and her fears and her desires, because she knows she's inherently worthy of them, right?

Speaker 2:

So if you're in that struggle of like I just keep giving my power away the prostitute constantly gives her power away in exchange for right how can we claim our power back? How can we claim this is who I am, this is my worth, this is my values and now I'm going to stand in my truth as the priestess. So if you need some another archetypal, bigger picture like understanding of how this works, this one is really helped me to really recognize who is sitting on my internal throne. Am I letting someone else make the decisions and rules or is it my divine higher self? And am I being able to live my life in accordance with my higher self? Or am I letting another, smaller version and fear rule my life?

Speaker 2:

Because when we're in fear, our boundaries suck, boundaries aren't there because we're afraid. We're afraid of rejection, we're afraid of prosecution, we're afraid of betrayal, we're afraid of all of these things that make us prostitute our values Right, and so we recognizing where we're at on that spectrum of am I living from a priestess point of view or am I living from a prostitute point of view? And if you are living at the prostitute, can you tell her that she's been lied to? She's been lied to. This is society. This is others trying to control her. That's making her feel small, because it's a lie. She is divine, she is worthy of healing, and when she recognizes that, she will transform into the priestess.

Speaker 1:

And knowing that those archetypes do work both ways. Right? We're using the feminine versions of those for this example, but it does work in the masculine energy as well. These are universal archetypes of are you giving your energy away in exchange for, or are you claiming your power to receive, X, y, z? Right? It's that yin-yang give and take. Are you doing it in a balanced and harmonized way?

Speaker 1:

And, once again, that's what's so important about boundaries is, even when it's a hard line, right, even when it's like Christine was saying earlier I'm going to block this person on my Facebook that doesn't mean it's not done in a compassionate way, that doesn't mean it's not done in a way that is aligned with the divine. Hard boundaries can still be hard boundaries, but it's about the knowingness that when you are honoring your energy, you are offering the space for the person on the other end to honor their own energy first and foremost, but you're also committing to and this is something that has really helped me when it comes to boundaries of I truly want, let's say, in terms of our students right. When I look at our students, I want them to live the highest, most aligned, best life for them. That is my ultimate vision for our students. Why would I want anything less for myself? Why would I want anything less for myself? And if I'm truly holding to this vision that I am living the highest, most aligned life for myself, then a situation where I am giving away my energy or I'm not receiving enough energy or something's imbalanced or toxic in some way, that's not only not the best and highest for me, but it's definitely not the best and highest for the other person or the company or whatever it is that you're about to set that boundary with. If it's not the best and highest for one person, then it's not the best and highest for anyone, and I think that's been a really powerful tool for someone like me who is a people pleaser, right In my past iterations of Isabel.

Speaker 1:

I have been a huge people pleaser and I still struggle with it sometimes, but I love this idea of if it's not the best and highest for me, then it's not the best and highest for anybody. Not because my wellbeing or my health or my whatever is worth more than others, but because if you're looking at the flow of energy, if you're looking at the self energy, if you're looking at the self-worth and the love and the connection and the compassion and the container that those boundaries create. We are all connected. We are all one. My energy is influencing everybody else's energy and vice versa.

Speaker 1:

And so when I am not flowing, when I am not in that highest, most aligned flow, that means that that person whose energy I'm interacting with is now also not in their highest, most aligned flow. Now, does that mean that by setting this boundary, their life is going to turn into their most highest aligned version? No, because again, I'm not responsible for them. I can't make that decision for them, I can't make that choice for them. But I can make that choice to step into the highest and most aligned for me in this moment, knowing that it opens the opportunity for everyone to find that balance.

Speaker 1:

Whereas if I continue to stay in that situation, if I continue to contribute to the energy imbalance because even if we are the people pleaser, even if we're giving ourselves, even if we're trying to do the right thing, we're still contributing to the imbalance we're still again coming back to that radical self-responsibility, we're still facilitating that energy, we're still contributing to that situation. And so when we take a step back and say this is not in alignment with my greatest and highest good and I can make the choice to do something different, knowing that by stepping back into alignment and flow, my part is done, my facilitation of this situation is done, and so I can step back and release that energy so that this person now has the opportunity to figure out what they want to do with the energy that has shifted. Now that I'm not there anymore, now that I'm not contributing, I don't get to choose what they do with it. I don't get to choose what the outcome is, but I can recognize that when I honor my greatest, highest, most aligned self, from that soul perspective, that capital T truth, that values perspective, that I am also doing the best that I can with the choices and the abilities that I have, while honoring their autonomy, to give the other person or the company or whatever it is, the person on the other side their best chance at their highest, most aligned experience as well.

Speaker 1:

And that has been even in something like a breakup right, where it's a great relationship but it's not the one or, as Christine said, it's not the beloved right, it's not the highest, most aligned. Why would you continue to stay in a relationship that's less than perfect? Because you're holding both of you back from the perfect, from the beloved, from the highest and most aligned. And it's the same way when we set boundaries, why would you hold both parties in an energy pattern that is less than the highest and most aligned, knowing that the only thing that you can do is make that choice on your end? You can't do it for the other person, but you can do it for yourself, and that creates that space, and that's another really helpful tool to bring us back into alignment with what our boundaries are really meant to be, which is that honoring of who we truly are.

Speaker 2:

Yes, yes, yes, yes, Yep, exactly. And I also want to like get into the house. Like we have so many students who like, no, like, let's break it down. How do I actually do this? And so, real briefly, it is one step one doing the self-love work, getting really clear on what you're, what you want in life, what your desires are and where your comfort zone is, so that you can know I'm willing to go this far outside of my comfort zone for, like, learning how to grow, and yet I'm always available to say what if it's, if this is too much like I think there needs to also be this awareness of when I set a boundary, I'm available for this but not, but not that. And then you get closer to that and like, actually I might want to try that it's okay to change your mind first and foremost, like it's okay to change your mind If you get more and more comfortable with your self-love and going.

Speaker 2:

I could see that being a way that that could stretch me in a really lovely, positive way. So know that you can set a boundary and then change the boundary later on. So these don't have to be walls, they don't have to be fixed. And when it comes to relationship with others, it's really about are you feeling respected, valued, loved, honored, supported, witnessed in the process, right? Like there can be this, like I have boundaries about what I'm available for and loving someone else, and then I get to know them and the walls and those boundaries start to soften because you want to share more of who you are with them, right, and so know that this can be fixed or fluid, depending on the situation. And it all comes down to are you valuing yourself? Is this a form of self-love? And if the answer is no, keep your boundaries. Keep those boundaries up, right, and so we get to. We get to move into this and to recognize how can I start practicing loving boundaries with myself? And so this is about having discipline, having this I'm showing up for me. How can you start practicing boundaries in your own everyday life? And so you might have noticed that I'm doing a 21 day radical self-love journey on my Facebook and Instagram pages, because I'm choosing me and I'm radically showing up to do this work and I'm sharing it with the world because it's my boundary with myself. I'm going to do this work and I'm sharing it with the world because it's my boundary with myself. I'm going to do this right, hopefully as an inspiration to all of you. But this is a boundary, and so this is how we practice.

Speaker 2:

Our boundaries is by working within our own container of like I'm going to show up for me in this way on a regular basis and that is a really fantastic way to lean into your own boundaries for your self-care. So, having that dedicated space and then when you do that, it's so much easier to go. You know what? I'm not available to go on an early coffee date at 8 AM because I need to take the time to do my self-care practice in the morning. Right, like, voila, you now have better boundaries of going. You know I'm not available for that, but I am available to meet you at nine or whatever it may be. Like. Where is your flexibility?

Speaker 2:

And so practicing on the little things can start help you to really be able to communicate on the bigger, heavier things. So start small and get comfortable with that, and then people are going to be like whoa, whoa, whoa. She was always like I would ask something and she would just jump right as a people pleaser. Someone asked me something and then going actually, I'm not available for that, you know, um, and, and that's okay. It's really beautiful when you're in relationship with someone to be like you know what. I'm actually not available for you to come over today. My house is a mess and I really don't feel like it would honor our quality time together because I would be too distracted by my house. Can we meet somewhere else? That's a boundary right, and so where can we go? Oh, okay, great, I don't need to come to your house, let's meet somewhere else instead. Right, like, so practice on the easy, small things so that when you need to have, actually, if you have a bunch of small things, you won't really need to have the bigger things. That's the way it works. They kind of stack up and then, when it gets to like you need to have harder, more difficult conversations with people, it becomes a lot easier to do that. So I remember in my first marriage, when I got divorced, I needed to have really clear physical boundaries, and so I became a broken record. When the phone rang it was please call my lawyer, please call my. Like I wouldn't talk to him, like I had to become a broken record, like these were hard boundaries, right, we were way, way beyond the little things so I needed to have a broken record piece that I could say again and again and again, because it was toxic.

Speaker 2:

And then there's the emotional boundaries Noticing if someone is hooking into your energy and trying to get your attention and energy. Notice that. Notice where your energy is getting played on, because that is something. If they're trying to hook in to have an emotional reaction, it's because they're trying to have that cord cut. And there those typically are energy vampires who are seeking out to steal your energy. No, not available for that, I'm not available for that. No, not available for that, I'm not available for that.

Speaker 2:

And then on the, on the, the psychic boundaries this is where you can envision having energetic walls, like a crystalline wall between you two so that it can't penetrate and come through Right. So there's a lot of different ways that you can have physical, emotional and and spiritual boundaries with people. And knowing where are you Because everything needs to come back to this is a reflection of self-love. Boundaries are a reflection of self-love. And are you available to have self-boundaries? Have a dedicated practice to your self-love so that you know you're worthy of the boundaries with other people. Practice to your self-love so that you know you're worthy of the boundaries with other people, absolutely, absolutely.

Speaker 1:

And so, with that said, knowing that this is where we start, we start with that self-evaluation, with knowing who are you, what do you value, what is stopping you from valuing yourself, and how can you begin to practice, in the big and the little ways, valuing yourself, putting yourself first, setting that first boundary of I'm going to put myself first, I'm going to value myself and love myself in the small things so that when the big things come up, I'll have more confidence and I'll have had practice. And so we would love to hear what your first step is going to be. What's going to be that first small action that you take to value yourself? Is that setting the boundary and not going to your morning meeting? Is that taking time tonight to take a bath and read a book? Is that going for a walk so that your body gets exercise? Is that finally speaking up and saying you know what? I don't want to have this conversation again. I'm done. What is it for you, what is your first step to setting boundaries in your life, to valuing yourself in your life?

Speaker 1:

We would love to hear your answer and your top takeaway from this conversation over in our Shamanic Mystics Facebook group and until next time, may you awaken to the whispers of wisdom rising from within. Thanks for tuning in to today's show. The Wisdom Rising podcast is sponsored by Moon Rising Shamanic Institute. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe to the show on your favorite podcasting app and be the first to know when we release a new episode. You can find us on Instagram, facebook, youtube and TikTok at Moon Rising Institute, or visit our website moonrisinginstitutecom to learn more about our mission and find future opportunities to connect with our community of shamanic mystics. Once again, thank you for sharing space with us today, and until next time, may you awaken to the whispers of wisdom rising from within.